Time to go Plastic.

We are not drivers yet. Shameful, we know. However, for a series of reasons that we won't bore you with here, we have not, thus far, got down to it. (And also because we have, in reality, mastered the art of procrastination!) Yet, we do ride in cars, of course, and we know that cars need fuel. Yeah, we get that much. Something we can't quite understand, though, is why when one goes to fill up their tank at the petrol station; they have to pay by cash. Cards are not accepted. Yeah, in 2012.

We believe cash is a highly inconvenient commodity. Of course, it's ludicrous when someone requests to pay for, say, a packet of chewing gum, by card. However, we cannot quite fathom why one cannot pay by card at a petrol station. If one can pay by cash through an automatic machine for their fuel, why can't they pay by card, as people do abroad? What if you're driving and you're running low on fuel and, for instance, you've no cash in your wallet (that normally happens to us), what do you do? (It's not a rhetorical question, really!)

However, petrol stations aren't the only place where using plastic money may be a problematic task. We've been to loads of places where they either don't take cards, or only take cards issued by a particular bank. We can't quite comprehend the reason for this - wouldn't it be more convenient for everyone if we were to use 'real' money less? Think about it - less complications for cashiers, fewer mistakes and discrepancies. And how about the shop managers who have to go to the bank, every blessed morning, to get lots of coins for the day ahead? (Albeit not their fault, these people queuing at the bank and taking others' precious time become quite an unnecessary nuisance. So much so that they now usually have a bank teller for their private use, while other people have to, well, lump it.) Ultimately, making further use of those plastic cards would only be a win-win, we say.

Moreover, not offering such a service to clients and customers might be counterproductive. Let's say we don't have much cash but we come across something we like. We go to the cashier to pay, only to be told that our card isn't accepted at the store, or that they don't accept cards altogether. We will, most probably, just leave the store and forget about the item; unless it's imperative that we buy it, of course.

It would be farcical to ask everyone to have a VISA or MasterCard because, hey, those are the only ones that are universally accepted. Some people just don't want them and the reasoning behind that is nobody's business in reality - it is, however, many people's business that they cannot purchase something merely because the shop owner has a fancy for one bank and not the other.

It happened to us the other day. We were having lunch at The Plaza and once we were done one of us went to the cash till to pay the bill. "I'm sorry, madam, we don't take that particular card. Would you have ****'s?" What, exactly, would have happened if someone else sitting at the table didn't have another card? Would we have been offered lunch on the house?

Because News Bulletins aren't just about news, are they?

Given that we can't always rely on what we hear at cafes, we feel compelled to methodically follow the news. You know, when you're teaching people coming from all over the world, you truly need to stay au courant, because the slightest slip will make you look like an alien in that classroom.

Anyhow, it's easy you'll tell us. Just grab your iPads and have a look through The Guardian.

Technically you're right. True.

Yet, nothing beats the fun of actually tuning in to the local news broadcasts.

We've got Super One, which give Dan Brown a run for his money when it comes to intricate plots.

Then we've got Net TV, which tries to push forward the idea that Malta is in reality the equivalent to Heaven on Earth.

Finally we've got TVM. The latter is arguably (read: indisputably) the best, even though it sometimes concentrates on unimportant stories, thus dedicating less time to other more newsworthy stories.


We know there are others - but we don't bother with Romina's channel. Quite frankly, the amount of hairspray holding her humungous buns together deserves a news bulletin in its own right - yes, Romina, thanks to you the poles are suffering.

What superb reportage - (Kurt Farrugia [PL's Director of Communication] live reporting from France the other day was anything but) - these channels can take pride in isn't really the gist of this blogpost. That deserves some serious research - the professors at the Communications' centre at UoM can't be ecstatic.

Have you ever really looked at the newscasters while watching the news? They're fascinating, aren't they? Many of those (as opposed to 'everyone', because these days you've got to explain even the tiniest of nuances) reading out the news on Net TV seem to be really wretched - as if next to the camera they had a gun pointed at them. Smile more, come on! Besides, what's with the attire? All in all, the impression you get is that things are really dull - and that's certainly not what you want your audience to think. Get some color going on - newscasters mustn't (only) wear boring colours and suits which are at least 3 sizes bigger.

Super One's? Oh, the requisite here is something very different. The newscasters are to announce the news as if that were the last thing they'll say before that blessed meteorite hits planet earth. So yes, they have to sound as melodramatic as possible - and at times, girls and boys alike, must come across as ferocious tigers. (In fact, Qormi's mayor Rosianne excels at this.) Also, we know that red is the colour for the political party they are representing - but really, do they have to wear something red whenever they're on?

TVM... There isn't - thankfully - much to say here. The newscasters are, more often than not, adequately dressed and pretty eloquent in their speech. That's unless it's a certain Daphne Cassar's shift. If that happens, alas, there's no other solution but to switch your goggle-box off. However, yes, standards on the national broadcaster are indeed higher - and it couldn't be any other way.

Oh well, after a long day of work you do need your fair share of entertainment, so that may be the reason why they have it that way.

Despicable us - our true colours come out!

You'll probably think we are two despicable beings who simply relish lambasting everyone and everything. Well, we think it's high time we came clean. In reality, we do like some people (saying we like everyone would sound too presumptuous, huh?) and we like many, many things (this bit is very true!)

It's hilarious, though, that many find it so wacky that people like us actually complain about certain things; that we actually pan what's gone wrong. Then let us let you in on a little secret here: just as many of you out there think we are odious and abhorrent because we criticise, we shall inform you that we think the really wacky ones are those who always nod and never dare say that something was really appalling.

No wait - they would, but not in your face.

Yes, because the crude reality that many of you seem to prefer ignoring is that these islands are brimming with hypocrites. Many won't tell you that something's ugly, stupid or astoundingly boring. And if you think they do it merely to be nice to you and because they are afraid of hurting your feelings, well, you couldn't have got it more wrong. The Maltese - yes, wait for it - are just afraid of airing their opinion because of the 'consequences'. (The many comments coming in under the 'anonymous' nickname sort of says a million things!)

Not all of them, mind you. But the majority is.

As a matter of fact, it all boils down to the people's upbringing. Many parents teach their offspring that saying something negative is simply not doable. Or, to be more precise, that saying it in public shan't ever be done - because you know, one day you might need that person. That, and, of course, the fact that "hey be careful, they may be relatives!"

What are the repercussions of this?
It's easy to suss out, really.

Simply switch the TV on. You will be bombarded with many boring shows and programmes. Then, there would be the ads, which are equally horrifying and ridiculous. Why can't they be better? Well, because it's much easier to put up easy, mind-numbing programmes which take little (if any) planning rather than other ones that demand a great deal of effort. Besides, the audience won't bother complaining - they will watch it as that's what we have and moaning is useless. Therefore hits will still be up and producers will actually think they're doing a good job. It's a horrible vicious circle we must do our best to get out of!

In simple, plain English, standards are hard to find in Malta, because hey:

Many people born on these islands seem to have this inborn idea that things in Malta can't be as good as they are abroad because we haven't got enough funds or some other strange reason. Unfortunately, that's not the way to go about these things. We desperately need to up our game if we really want to improve our product.

"And how?" you will probably ask us. Well, we've got to have higher expectations for starters.

Let's have a look at a particular situation that truly accentuates our problems. It's April. In about a week or two the hype surrounding the Eurovision will kick in, again... Then the show comes and the Maltese contestant doesn't make it to the finals, or if he (miraculously) does, he'll do poorly. Then the show goes. And then, like every other year, we'll have to deal with the aftermath.

"As always, the neighbouring countries voted for their neighbours and we've no neighbours so we couldn't have done well." How many times have you heard this? Yes, many. And how many times have you heard people say: "we chose a pathetic song, with disgusting (to be nice) lyrics, of course we fail"? Oh, few will do. Though the former may be true to some extent, we never seem to make an effort to come up with a TRULY good show, we merely hide behind the "we have no neighbours, nobody loves us" excuse.

Same will happen once Ms Daniela Darmanin (aka Miss World Malta 2012) will fail to make it to the top. But hey, why worry? Many people commenting on our previous posts told us that in reality Miss World Malta shan't be beautiful - the important thing is that she feels so. Now, please, what kind of reasoning is that?

You see, those are two tiny examples there, but they succinctly describe how many truly think. It's never our fault - the others have it in for Malta; Malta is too small; Malta has no money: Malta this and Malta that.

Oh, let's all cut the crap, shall we? instead of coming up with boring excuses we should realise that it doesn't take all that much to have something done properly rather than having something just for the sake of organising it.

Yes, we do complain. But everyone should - especially when you live on an island, thus detached from the rest of the world. OK, that's metaphorical, but it renders the idea well. We mustn't be lazy and complacent, for that will mean getting stuck in a rut. And we don't want that, do we?

The Maltese really ought to shrug this 'small island mentality' once and for all. We're no longer a colonial island suffering post-war repercussions. Times have changed, industries have bloomed, and with them, opportunities. Yet, sadly, one thing the Maltese seem to make sure they pass on from generation to generation is a complacent attitude and the ability to feel sorry for themselves at every given opportunity.

MWM... where mediocracy prevails, and people fight for it to remain.

Following our previous post regarding this year's Miss World Malta, we thought it appropriate to dedicate a post to answering some of the comments left by readers. We were seriously appalled at the sheer mediocracy people are comfortable with and at how a good chunk of the Maltese seem to be unable to digest criticism.

It's incredible how complacent people are. Why are these people so happy with what is merely semi-decent at best? Also, dear Val, just because "the setup was the best in years", doesn't mean that it was good, or "beautiful", to use the adjective you chose to endow the show with. Oh, and what does the fact that "fashion is really improving" have to do with a beauty pageant, exactly? Please, do enlighten us.

We are being cruel because we're expressing an opinion? Really? What is this, a kindergarten talent show? Yeah, we might sit back and "think of the effort put in to set the show up" in that case. Have a look at the hard work involved in this kind of thing abroad, then review MWM - spot the difference, darling!

This is our absolute favourite. We'll translate, for the benefit of our non-Maltese readers (since some people don't have the decency to comment in English on a blog that is, very evidently, in English) - "You're semen. Let them participate. The important thing is that they feel good about themselves, even if they're not particularly pretty." Yes, semen, really! The sheer ignorance and baseness that some people dare exhibit is beyond us.

Of course, there were more. The above are simply our top picks. One of the things that utterly amaze us is the fact that many people seem to be highly opinionated, yet chose to remain anonymous. What is the point of throwing mud at our faces when they don't even have the guts to put a name under their comments? Alas, will the Maltese ever learn?

Beauty queens and tiaras...

Many of you know that yesterday we were dragged to the Miss World Malta - sometimes you've got to do it to please your dear ones. Anyway, some dared to call it the event of the year. And let's say we sort of looked forward to that.

Well, we did go. And well, we were rather let down - and that's being kind.
Let's say it was our mistake, as we should have bought the VIP tickets. But you know how these things work; you only regret not looking into it until you actually get there and you realise that there aren't enough chairs for the people attending. How ridiculous is that?

Oh yes, because that was one of the many problems. We wrote it on Facebook - like Jeffrey Pullicino Orlando would've done - and some people who know nothing of standards, of course, wrote back saying that that's the best show indeed when it comes to beauty pageants.

Really? And why should we give a rat's ass about that? Why are these islands plagued with the "come on, it wasn't bad, actually it was the best beauty show of the year" mentality? How on earth do these people expect standards to improve if the people are content with the not-extremely-mediocre?

Seating wasn't the only problem. The show then kicked off and hey, what a show! The people not in the VIP area could barely see anything - you could see the elder ladies trying to stretch up to get to see something... Why? They had hanging TVs on the sides for the unfortunate ones at the back. That's good enough. Well, not. The TVs were only showing ads of those jewellery companies that sponsored the show. Thankfully, it then occurred to them that showing the audience what was actually happening on that blessed catwalk was perhaps a better idea than the ads.

Enough with the organisation of it all though.
We then had the contestants... what incredible contestants.

We were under a perverse impression that we were at a beauty pageant. At times that really seemed not to be the case.

Some of them did manage to hide the flaws when wearing those evening gowns. But then came the moment they had to bear it all in a bikini... And hey, there the flaws reverberated with the awe of the public.

OK, OK, not to that extent. Yet, seeing them competing, aiming at taking that tiara back home, one cannot not say "what the heck?" It's not that they were flabby, really. It was the whole 'package' (to use a term pertaining to another event) that was wrong. The walk, the facial expressions and, wait for it, the 'hamallagni' (sorry guys, Maltese renders the idea better there) merely highlights that some people are terribly deluded.

The best bit for freaks like ourselves was when the host, Keith Demicoli - yes, the journalist - asked a question to the 7 finalists in English. Oh, this bit was hilarious. This was done to test the fluency of the contestants, because when they go abroad they must speak good English, Keith told us. Fine. Indeed they must ...also because they would have a similar interview:

Hopefully this year the winner won't think that her cooking sushi could help the ones hit by the Tsunami.

Anyhow, guess what. Oh yes, good guess. They could barely string a sentence together, bar 2 of them. You'd say that their beauty will compensate - but when that's also missing, what do we do?

In any case, this is this year's Miss World Malta:

Miss World Malta, with Sue Rossi on her right and Claudia Calleja on the left

Stephanie Portelli, first runner up 

Alison Galea Valleta, second runner up

All we can say is that the audience seemed to be sorely disappointed. We were, too. We believe others deserved the title more. Alas, that's how beauty pageants work - your faces never win.

1565 all over? We hear Jeffrey's polishing his gladiator's armour...

You'd think the Maltese's hatred towards the Turks would have ended with the Great Siege, and that the Maltese would have moved on by now.

Apparently it hasn't and they did not. Typical Maltese - once I have it in for you, I shall never like you again or everyone else will think I'm weak!

Jeffrey Pulcino Orlando is one such man.

Following deputy prime minister Tonio Borg's words - (There is no reason why Turkey should be excluded from the EU as long as the membership criteria were fulfilled and has been Malta's stand from the outset, Foreign Minister Tonio Borg said yesterday.) - he decided to throw one of his infamous tantrums. On Facebook, of course, because that's how he does politics nowadays - halli jurina kemm hu modern!

According to him, in fact:

Yes, Dr Tonio Borg (the mentioned foreign minister) is right in saying that. And lest it crossed your mind, we're not writing this to defend the latter - he really isn't our favourite politician.

Nevertheless, if Turkey does manage to fulfill the prerequisites, why shouldn't it be allowed to join the EU?

Why are you, Jeffrey, so afraid of "Turkey is too big, and will therefore exercise too much power within the EU?"

We'll tell why, even though we're quite sure you got that already.

Coolio Jeffrey is in reality showing outrageous signs of racism. Ironic, don't you think? "Accession would result in a big wave of Turkish immigrants", he tells us. Oh would it, Jeffrey? And why would that be so catastrophic? (Technically, we already have Turkish immigrants around...) Is it because they are, wait for it, Muslim? We think yes!

Don't worry, Jeffrey, some will back you. Like these very bright ones here:

And don't give us that political consolidation crap. Were you one of those who actually practiced what they preach, then you would have resigned your seat a while ago.

As a matter of fact, these words are very indicative of what sort of man we're dealing with here. He's one of those ready to jump on the most convenient of bandwagons. He did that with Divorce, now he's feeling all gay and saying Malta is lagging behind in legalizing gay marriage ( in reality it's at par with most of the European countries and USA states) so he's pondering on whether to propose another bill or not, and now, of course, he's trying to appeal to the xenophobic ones inhabiting these islands.

Rather antithetical, isn't it, Mr Pullicino Orlando? If you are in for liberalism, then you must shake off that one big cobweb that's adversely affecting your senses.

You know our stance when it comes to any form of discrimination - well, in reality you can't blame the people for being so myopic given that some of the people ruling the country are not any better.

It's good to see people are sussing him out...

Isolate gays, says Carmel.

So this was a letter sent in to The Times, penned by what seems to be a very clever Carmel Attard... 

Naturally, The Times, which seems to be running out of ideas to fill in those pages, decided to publish it. 

We wholeheartedly disagree with those who on Facebook and other social networks are ridiculously claiming that The Times shouldn't have published this. That's being as close-minded as this moronic Carmel Attard himself. And you don't want that, do you?

Freedom of speech can't only come in handy to fight in favour of equal rights. No, it also means that people can air their opposing opinion. It's actually really annoying that so many can't seem to grasp this. 

Anyhow, let's get down to business... What was this Carmel thinking? If he believes he's educated enough to voice these thoughts in public, then he should be ready for some panning. Seems like the fresh air in Australia hasn't yet gone down his nostrils, which are still clogged with the hatred he breathed in Malta. 

Is he one of those who flew in to vote against divorce because that's against God's law too? We reckon. 

Since children who are brought up in gay families lack a father or a mother, and are thus "robbed", what exactly should we do with orphans? And how about those single-parent families? Are these children to be done away with? Would Carmel be happy then? Is this what he learnt at those duttrina lessons? Well, this man's twisted ideology holds little water, if any. 

We don't really want to look much into this. You know what's our stance so we shan't put too much of a fine point there. 

Yet, if we want to call a spade a spade, we must concede that ignorant people are still around. It's only a question of educating them... or wait till they kick that blessed bucket. In hoping for the better though, we wish the latter won't be necessary. 

They're coming, they're coming!

We've got used to them now. They're a nuisance we've got to put up with on a daily basis in the months of summer. No, we're not alluding to mosquitos.

Come April, those very grumpy ones start gearing up to bombard us with 'strongly-worded' letters in the newspapers. They usually complain about the horrendous time they go through: each and every summer.

Trying to picture them while they're at it is somewhat fascinating. A group of older ladies, smartly dressed up with a fancy scarf to protect their necks, meet up on a Sunday at one of their Sliema flats, for the 5pm tea... And while the lady of the house pours the tea (tat-Tetley, cause tal-Lion isn't good like), their blessed bee in the bonnet manages to free itself after months of seclusion.

And the poor students are in for some good spanking... Not that the latter would mind the spanking bit, mind you - it's not us saying this; the ladies somehow know it so they duly report it in the papers!

Not to let us down, there they start. This is a letter to the editor published in The Times, today:

First of all, dear Ms Camilleri, the students you are panning wouldn't ever say "loudy". But hey, they're not as proficient as you are... they actually come here because they expect (this last word is what probably in your dictionary features as 'pretend') people like you to teach them.

Secondly, would you please be so kind as to acquaint us with what is so abhorrent about playing football? Would you like them better if they played Polo or chess perhaps?

What's more irritating, however, is the fact that these ladies don't seem to understand that in reality these same students are a blessing for Malta. (Other people living on other islands sort of get that, but the Maltese merely disregard this fact!) They bring, much to the moaners' dismay, a great deal of money to these islands... They choose Malta over other places, and that is quite an achievement. Besides, these students come all around the year - not just in summer - so this industry deserves better than just being lambasted by people who don't know the ins and outs.

True, they might be a bit rowdy when they are in big groups. They might sing while they walk it back from Paceville. Yet, dear Ms Camilleri, it's not only the foreign ones that do that. If you seriously think that, then that tea you're drinking is irreparably diluting your senses.

This is not to say that they shouldn't be taken to task when they make mistakes or disrupt the public's tranquility. However, tarring all the students with the same brush is horribly unjust.

It's really annoying when these people just blow things out of proportion. We've had some bad experiences with some of them, fine, but that shouldn't translate in: "Ooh, they're coming, they're coming. Police, do something. Now."

Something about humans

Before introducing this post, we would like to apologise for our absence - we hate to let weeks pass without writing a post. However we've been insanely busy since we tend to leave everything to the very last minute! Yet, we did try our best to keep you entertained through our Facebook page (if you haven't done it yet, you should hit like there!)

We are avid film watchers and we try to watch a film at the cinema once a week - it's like our little ritual. One of the films we've watched recently was Carnage - a Roman Polanski film. Well, if we were to describe the film in a word, that word would be: claustrophobic. Why, you might ask? We don't want to let on too much about it, as we really think you ought to check it out yourselves. Yet, let's just say that the film is almost entirely set in one room.

Carnage stars John C Reilly as Michael, Jodie Foster as Penelope, Christopher Waltz as Alan and Kate Winslet as Nancy - and that's practically all the cast there is. Michael and Penelope Longstreet are Ethan's parents whereas Alan and Nancy Cowan are Zachary's. At the basis of the film we have this row that took place between the ten-year-old boys where the Cowan's son knocked a couple of Ethan's teeth out. So the parents meet at the Longstreet's to deal with the issue, talk it out in a civilised way. To cut a long story short, the tight-lipped politeness that we see at the beginning of the discussion, turns sour in a comical yet tragic way. It moves away from the subject of the children's quibble and turns into a ramble about everything and nothing with occasional intervals where they would revert back to the original subject.

So, at this point, you might be wondering what the aim of this film is. If you watch the film superficially, that's a question that'll remain unanswered - for sure. It's an excellent insight on human behaviour - the layers of 'civilisation' that peel away as the film progresses to reveal man's innate aggression.

Playing 'Happy Families'...

... showing their true colours.

For this reason, this isn't a film that we suggest you watch at bedtime while dozing off - that would make you hate the film and leave you perplexed. Guaranteed. Yet if you're looking for a film that sets your mind ticking, then this is, undoubtedly, one to watch.